IT WILL BE SO STRONG

Hot dog, it looks like they released some more Kwame Kilpatrick text messages! The gift that keeps on giving:

Kwame Kilpatrick: John Kerry dissed me. I'm trippin!

That has some very strong catchphrase potential. I wonder if he dissed you because your wife beat up a stripper in your mansion, you covered it up, then she got murdered in a drive-by shooting and you fired most of the people who tried to investiagte you and now the stripper's family is suing the city for $150 million. Maybe that's it! Letting this guy be the mayor of Detroit for six years was worse than the Tigers trading for Juan Gonzales.

The court filing with the messages has been released as a 349 page PDF, and yes, I was bored enough to give it the once over. Um, here's one that probably won't make it into the paper:

Christine Beatty:I really wanted to give you some good head this morning and I didn’t know how to ask you to let me do it. I have wanted to since Friday night when you asked me at the club

Kilpatrick: Damn. I just got out the shower and looked at my 2way. NEXT TIME, JUST TELL ME TO SIT DOWN, SHUT UP, and DO YOUR THING! I’m fucked up now!

Oh man, I think they might go "all the way"! There are plenty more that are even funnier and grosser than that, but I’ll refrain from posting them here (cough, pages 43-46, cough, stay away from page 153, cough).

This one’s only funny when you, as I've touched on before, read it thinking about how these are two people in charge of running a whole city with over 900,000 residents:

KK: EVERYTHING IS COOL. DID YOU GET BUSTED? YOU WERE KIND OF WET LAST NIGHT, INSIDE AND OUT. LOL

CB: OH, YOU GOT JOKES? ACTUALLY I DID GET BUSTED. WHICH IS WHY I WAS CHECKING IN WITH YOU. I WANTED TO SEE IF YOU HAD ROOM ON LESLIE WITH ME! LOL

KK: LOL LOL LOL! NOT ON LESLIE, BUT ANYWHERE ELSE YOU WANT TO STAY. LOL

CB: LOL LOL! DANG, YOU WOULDN’T TAKE ME INTO YOUR HOME? YOU TOLD ME THE OTHER DAY THAT YOU WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR ME. WHAT HAPPENED? LOL.

KK: LOL LOL LOL! NOT THE FAMOUS FLIP AGAIN…

Mr. Mayor, we might have to close 100 schools and over one third of the city lives below the poverty line! What should we do?? LOL LOL LOL! I’m fucked up now!

One more. And if I ever get married, these will definitely be my wedding vows:

KK: You and I - Jodeci. That's my cut. You and me, me and you. We can make love all night long. IT WILL BE SO STRONG BABY. IT WILL BE SO STRONG. I just want to say how I feel about you, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU!

Anyway, maybe for your next job leave Mayor off your resume and just hope they don't Google you. See ya, fartface!