Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Ditto:Ditto:Ditto:YOU HAVE TO READ THIS!!!

A benefit to buying used books is that the previous owners sometimes leave their weirdo stuff inside the pages. For example, this potential missing link between the serious, paper-based office memo and hilarious e-mail forward. Who knew there was trouble in the workplace even way back in 1989!

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

We're Talking About Practice

If you’re going to do a news story called Don’t Mess With These Granny B-Ballers, you might want the video to show them making at least ONE basket. You took a whole crew down there and the Grannies really did nothing but shoot airballs and dribble off their feet all day? Did the game end in a 0-0 tie with 500 turnovers? You’re warning me not to mess with them, but now I feel like I could!

Monday, June 23, 2008

They Butts

My gift to you today is this direct quote from a drunk guy yelling on the subway this morning:
"The one thing that makes me so happy is that women get old, too! All women gonna get old! And they fart and they butts stink! They take off they panties and they butts stink! And now I gotta go to court for some bullshit?? I’m gonna drink this beer and then another beer and then another beer! You’re all pagans!"

Also, here’s a picture of a squirrel that is cooler than you. Let it sink in that you are not as cool as this squirrel. He's just hanging out!

Friday, June 20, 2008

Right Quick

The Bilderberg Group, believed by some to be the shadow government that secretly runs the world, held their annual meeting in Chantilly, VA recently. Says this article:

According to a list published by one critic, the attendees of Bilderberg 2008 include Henry Kissinger, Ben S. Bernanke, David Rockefeller, Vin Weber, Henry Kravis, Robert B. Zoelick, Donald Graham, Vernon Jordan, Charlie Rose, and their equals from Europe.
Charlie Rose was there?? It all makes sense now!

"Bring me the head of Tavis Smiley!"

"NOVA will be mine!"

Hard Target

To the person who found this site by searching for crunchy corn bran shortage,

I suppose I should have been more specific in my previous post.
I found my box here:

Good luck!

And to the person who found this site by repeatedly searching for jesse porn,

I’m gonna find out where you live and hit you over the head with my purse. Fresh!

I haven't eaten since Charlotte!

No posts in over a month? What a jerk! All right, let’s knock a few out right now and get back up to speed by next week.

I went down to New Orleans this past weekend with Sean Patton for some shows at the La Nuit Theater. The shows were very fun and I’m sure the good people of New Orleans will talk about me for years to come, just like they do Bobby Hebert.

Here are some of the other things I did:

I played bucket drums with a homeless man.

I walked through a whole casino without gambling.

Aside from some coffee and orange juice, I had nothing but fried food and alcohol for three days. I don’t think I could live in The French Quarter year-round and that’s mostly because I would be dead after about two weeks.

My final review: Four out of four crawdads!