I also bring you two things I found in an old notebook from 2006.
First, I wrote down an exchange I had with some jerk lady at the crummiest job I’ve ever had in my whole life. To set this story up you need to know that the office was giving out free flu shots that day, this lady already hated me because I had declined to pitch in for a new microwave and also she had a big sign on her desk that read: I DON’T KNOW THE QUESTION BUT THE ANSWER IS CHOCOLATE.
(Lady walks up to my desk)Second. These are some things I overheard a bunch of funny old ladies say in a deli during one of my lunch breaks:
Hi, what is your name again?
Well, Jason, I was just wondering if you were going to get a flu shot.
I’ve never had one before.
What do you mean?
I’ve never had a flu shot before.
That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. Why don’t you just get a flu shot?
Because I don’t get the flu.
So...you’re not getting a flu shot?
Well, have fun getting the flu!
I keep my pennies separate so when I need a penny I don't have to dig around in my purse like a crazy person.
Oh, I know!
Look at this. Randy Johnson love child. Who cares?!
Randy Johnson? I don't know from Randy Johnson.
He's a ball player! So what? He throws a ball! Love child. If Joe Schmo has a love child it wouldn't make the FRONT PAGE! Too much money, these ball players!
Did you see Queen Latifah on the television?
Yes, now there's a nice woman!
Does anyone want my extra jelly?