FYI, the new HBO documentary Cat Dancers is 100% completely insane. You should really make an effort to watch it.
I waited for an elevator today. The doors opened and as I got on, the guy inside gave me the stinkeye, said, "Great, looks like I got the local" and started bashing the Door Close button with his fist. I'm putting the over/under on heart attacks this guy has had at 3.5.
I’m somewhat short on patience myself, but anyone who goes to town on the Door Close button is a born sucker. It seems to me that the doors close when they want to close and the button is just a pacifier for people who have to be the boss of everything. Secondly, that local joke, its crustiness aside, is meant for people who are already on the elevator with you. When you say it to the one person who is getting on the elevator you're basically saying, "Surprise: I hate you!"
For the record, my reply to him was "Huh? Oh. Yep." That's my crowd work skills kicking in!
Related to stand-up, almost every time I do Ochi's Lounge at Comix I find a way to hit my head on the low ceiling overhang. Before I went onstage there on Saturday I consciously reminded myself to avoid hitting my head. Then I walked onstage, leaned over to set my drink on the stool and instead of hitting my head, I stood up and BASHED my head. That is an improvement in the wrong direction. But don't worry, I bounced back and proved yet again that I am one of the comedians of all time!