Because He's Not Good At Sports But You Make Him Play Them Anyway

(via Amazon)

20/20

We've all wanted to skip out on work before, but this Colorado Blockbuster employee wanted it more than you could ever know:

Man says he stabbed himself because he didn't want to work

A 29-year-old man who claimed he was attacked and stabbed by three people - skinheads or Hispanic males - confessed Monday night that he stabbed himself because he didn't want to go to work, Edgewater Police said today.

Yes, skinheads or Hispanc males. Definitely one of those two. But, also, I mean, maybe they were either The Yakuza or black guys. It all happened so fast! Anyway, if you could just cover my shift and then never ask me about this again, I'll see you tomorrow. Bye!

Paranormal

Here's a thing from the Late Night With Jimmy Fallon blog with a bunch of NY comics. I show up briefly to do a poor job of pretending to be scared but a good job of actually eating free popcorn. Also, finally, recorded evidence of Peter Kassnove sitting on my lap! Enjoy!

Nilsson v. Bunch

Am I crazy or does Harry Nilsson's Driving Along and The Brady Bunch's Good Time Music almost sound like the same song?





Either way, at least I've maintained my streak of never once wasting time on the internet!

Get your ass to Mars

Laying the groundwork for a possible mission to Mars, The European Space Agency is looking for volunteers to lock up for 520 days right here on Earth and see if they go crazy.

Unfortunately, according to the application, I am ineligible for a few minor reasons (over 185cm tall, a smoker, not a resident of Europe or Canada, lack of fluency in Russian, no background or relevant work experience in medicine, biology, lifesupport systems engineering, computer engineering, electronic engineering or mechanical engineering). Otherwise, I'd be all over this. So close!

But don't let me stop you. If you read this blog and happen to be a foreign born health nut bilingual scientist with no real prospects for 2010-2012, go fill out the forms and take your best shot at pretend outer space jail!