Straight Latchkey

This Colorado couple, just like so many other parents, is currently trying to decide on whether they should raise their child as a Crip or a West Side Baller. Both perfectly good gangs, and yet, sworn enemies. What to do?? There are no easy answers and it takes a lot of disorderly conduct, harassment and domestic violence charges along the way:

On Saturday, Joseph Manzanares stormed into a video rental store where his girlfriend worked, threatened to kill her and knocked over several video displays and even a computer, Commerce City police Sgt. Joe Sandoval said.

After he ran out of the store, police were called and the 19-year-old was arrested at his home.

His girlfriend told police that they had been arguing about the upbringing of their son and which gang he should belong to.

"They have different ideas on how the baby should be raised. Basically, she said they cannot agree on which gang the baby would 'claim,'" Sandoval said.

I don’t know. Maybe I’m a little too pie in the sky on this one, but as long as a child is given food, shelter and a healthy fear of snitching, it shouldn’t matter what gang they claim. And besides, there are a great many benefits to being raised in a mixed-gang household: two initiations, a wider color palette, uhhhhh, more turf? Less? I'm not really sure.

To gangs!