Hot Fudge Love

Scrub behind your ears and tuck in that shirt ‘cause it’s Valentine’s Day up in this piece!

And fellas, this ain’t no Sadie Hawkins dance. Women’s Lib be damned -- single chicks on Valentine’s Day are too busy thinking Boo hoo, I guess I have to get my own chocolate to ever make the first move. Here's what you do.

Buy a dozen roses.

Walk into a bar.

Walk up to a girl.

Act like you’re agitated and looking for someone then say,“Excuse me, miss, have you seen my girlfriend? She looks kinda look you except not quite as, you know, hefty.”

Then have your wingman walk over (wearing a stethoscope and holding a clipboard) and say, “This is the hardest part of my job, but your girlfriend just got sick and died.”

Then you say,“What?? Oh no, who am I going to give all these flowers to?”

Boom. You’re in.

Do I really need to explain why this works? Well, let me ask you this: do you want to be able to look people in the eye the next time you brag about being a straight adult male who is not a virgin? Then don't worry and just do what I say!